Posted By RichC on February 19, 2020
Although I have not sought Katelyn’s approval to include her rounded “personal coffee table” or her pregnancy photo (cough, cough – one in the same) to MyDesultoryBlog, but I’m boldly going out on a limb by posting it. The longer I post daily, the more I find myself wanting to archive family milestones … as well as showing how impatiently I am waiting on Baby Oostra Number 2 (BO#2) to arrive. FYI, today is her due date!
It is obvious, that I have fully embraced being “Bompa” to Annalyn and love my time with my with her; this likely will only double with a second granddaughter. In sharing this emotion, it also has alerted me to changes in my personal dreams, asperations and plans for retirement (I’m the planner type). I also realize that may not be true for everyone since not every parent or grandparent is the same. We are all different … and that is ok!
I think Deanna Eppers summed it up on a Quora.com question and offered some good advice when talking about “kids” and different kinds of people (whether parents or grandparents):
People fall in two camps. One is where they were never “kid” people, but had them anyway. These people manage to raise their children, but all along it wasn’t what they enjoyed. It’s not the children’s fault. Not at all. Rather, many people who would be better off childless, have children and discover they aren’t into kids. I think they enjoy their children as they grow older and finally are adults. This is one set of parents.
So group one just isn’t going to be into their grandchildren. They don’t have it in them, and it’s not the fault of the grand babies at all. Grandma and Grandpa did the kid thing, it wasn’t for them, so they aren’t super interested. It seems sad to me, but people are all wired differently. So don’t take this to heart. Just love on your kids.
The second set of people are the ones who did enjoy having children. They enjoyed every step of the journey; going to ballet lessons, soccer practice, school plays and PTA meetings. They sat by their children as the kids sobbed over to not being invited to a dance, or cried over a betrayal. They helped with Algebra. They were there every step of the way. And now? They want to fully enjoy their freedom.
I see lots of grandparents like this. They want to travel, hang out with friends, and maybe snooze the day away. This is not the time for them to have wild, shrieking kids running around them. That’s okay; it’s where they are in life. These people love their grandchildren, but they don’t want to be around them very much, because they like their life the way it is now. Why go back to being around messy, yelling, funny, wild children?
We’re not all wired the same. I love my grandson, but there are days when I’m glad I’m out of the stage of having little ones. It’s a lot of work!
One thing to check for, because it has happened here, is are you relaxing and not watching your children, thinking your mom and dad will watch so you can catch a break? My parents and in-laws never did this. I had to watch the kids. (My parents took the kids for weeks in the summer though.) But make sure you are taking charge of your own children around your parents.
Try that and see if things change a bit. Or a lot. And invite the grandparents to go to the park or the zoo or some place fun. Maybe a little mellow, if that’s the issue; if they’re tired out. You’ll know if that’s the case. I hope the grandparents enjoy their grandchildren. You can always bring it up in a non-confrontational way. Try it and see. Maybe clear the air a bit? Maybe not. Use your judgment.
And enjoy your kids! They are yours and while the days drag on, the time really does fly. Enjoy each child for who they are. You’ll wind up friends when they are over 25 or so. And good luck!